Consult a Marriage Counsellor

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by: jameswalsh
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A growing number of marriages are unable to survive the disastrous effects of these factors. The changing societal mores do nothing to strengthen the very basis of marriage and our belief in its sanctity.

Thankfully, marriage counselling is there to help fighting couples. Marriage counselling helps couples, married or not, to understand and resolve their differences and improve their relationship. It gives them the tools to communicate better, negotiate differences, solve problems and argue in a healthier way.

Not all marriage counselling is about thwarting divorces. It can help rebuild a relationship or decide whether splitting for good is a better idea. Either way, marriage counselling can help one understand the relationship better and make well thought out decisions.

Relationships in a marriage can be tested. Differences and personal habits owing to different backgrounds and value systems can become issues. Sometimes, specific issues like money or extramarital affairs can trigger conflicts. There can be a gradual disintegration of communication and caring too. All conflicts, if allowed to fester, can worsen and lead to bigger problems resulting in divorce.

An unhappy relationship causes a lot of physical and psychological problems such as domestic violence, depression and so on. It can also lead to problems at work, affect other family members such as children or even friendships as friends may feel compelled to take sides.

Marriage counselling can benefit a couple dealing with any or all the issues concerning their relationship. It is often short term where one needs only a few sessions to weather the crises or when a relationship has deteriorated badly, it may take several months before the marriage is set on the right track.

Marriage counselling is generally provided by trained, licensed experts known as marriage or family therapists. They provide mental health services with a couple’s relationship as the focus. The choice of the right marriage counsellor is of utmost importance to the success of the exercise. To find a good marriage counsellor look for:

1. Experience: Look for someone with a lot of experience in dealing with marital discords. Theoretical knowledge apart, on-job practical knowledge definitely helps in gaining precious insight into various aspects of a relationship breakdown. All marriages have their unique set of problems and an experienced marriage counsellor will be able to devise a well thought out plan of action unique to your relationship.

2. Reference: Just as one would ask for references from acquaintances while looking for a doctor, psychiatrist, etc. ask for references for a marriage counsellor as well. Ask your primary care doctor, your health insurer, clergy or state and local agencies to refer some name. The best recommendation, though, can come from a friend or a couple who has undergone therapy successfully. Shortlist a few names and fix an appointment.

3. Appointment Time: Strike off any names of therapists who take more than a week to give you an appointment. Most couples resort to marriage counselling at a time of crises and time is of utmost importance to not only contain the problem but to keep up the motivation to seek therapy. Anyone who cannot see you within a week’s time will be too busy to successfully treat the problem.

4. Comfort Level: Meet the counsellor for the first session. Discuss your problem with him or her. The first session may not be enough to get a plan of action ready by the counsellor but it will be sufficient to gauge your comfort level with him or her. It is important that both the partners feel comfortable with the therapist as you will need to open up and share the most private parts of your life. The counsellor should be someone you look up to as you will need to follow his guidelines diligently.

5. Confidentiality and Partiality: Aware of all the intimate details of your relationship, a counsellor should be able to maintain confidentiality regarding your sessions. Also, the counsellor should be impartial towards either of the spouses to give an objective view and guidelines to solve the problem.

Beside this, it is important to satisfy all your queries about his or her charges, your insurance health cover, the length and frequency of his or her sessions, his or her policy regarding cancellation of a session and availability in case of an emergency. If the counsellor’s and your expectations about the goal of therapy coincide, then hire the therapist and give the therapy your best shot as it may be the last chance to save your marriage.

About the Author

James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you want to find out more about a solicitor managed divorce see http://www.managed-divorce.co.uk

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