Divorce can be Liberating

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by: jameswalsh
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Every married person faces problems. Marital lives are never smooth. Marriages require extreme hard work to make a success of them. It has often been perceived that marital problems are usually a result of external factors; the wedded partners themselves are not bad people. Stressors could be lack of adequate finances, children, job, in-laws, etc. Fortunately, these are problems that are transitory in nature. If your marriage appears unhappy due to these problems, then divorce is never an answer. Over time, these problems are bound to dissipate.

When is Divorce Right for You?

Emotional and Physical Violence

If your partner is extremely abusive, and is prone to violent outbursts, then file your divorce papers instantly. By remaining in such a relationship you are jeopardising your own security and that of children. Your divorce could prove liberating and you would be freed of much anguish and hardship. Do not mull over the fact that ‘divorce begets divorce.’ Children learn by imitation and an abusive parent is a bad role model.

Emotional violence is equally dangerous, though it leaves no visible scars or bruises. It maims your personality and leaves you feeling worthless. Remember, violence of any kind should not be tolerated. Relinquish the relationship before it destroys you.

Fortunately, few spouses in the UK are prone to violence. Domestic abuse ranks third among the causative factors of divorce. The largest factor responsible for breaking the maximum number of marital unions in the UK is adultery.

Adultery and Divorce

While victims of violence are univocally liberated by a divorce, divorce does not have similar effect on people who have suffered episodes of spousal adultery. If your spouse has an extramarital affair, then instant divorce is probably not the right answer. Family law of the UK stipulates that divorce papers have to be filed within 6 months of discovering the adulterous affair of the spouse. However, hasty knee-jerk reactions are just not right. Promiscuous relationships usually have a limited life.

Wait and watch the behaviour of your spouse. If your spouse repents and apologises, giving a second chance is a good option. However, it may take a long time for you to repose trust in your partner, the second time around. If your spouse seems intent on continuing the affair, and you have waited for a reasonable number of years, then divorce is a choice that would make you happy and relieved. Separating would free you of prolonged spells of grief induced by spousal inattention.

Substance Abuse

People trapped in relationship where the spouse develops addictive behaviour also take equally long to decide whether divorce is the right option. Such a decision results in peace and happiness if:

Substance abuse was accompanied by physical abuse

Addiction led to low attendance at work and subsequent unemployment

Addiction, repeated dismissal from work and financial hardships become routine occurrences

Addictive behaviour eventually leads to depression

Children suffer due to neglect

However, many people who are married to addicts (drug or alcohol) find it hard to leave the relationship, for the affectionate nature of the spouse resurfaces between bouts of drugged stupor. If you are entrapped in such a situation, then make all efforts to rid your spouse of the addictive habits. Divorcing after repeated unsuccessful trials can release you from undue emotional strain caused by guilt-laden feelings.

When you divorce after suffering the consequences of such difficult and trying circumstances, divorce can ultimately be a source of much relief. It can mark the beginning of a new phase in life. Life after divorce is initially marked with a phase of regret. This process of grief is natural and it would soon pass. Over a period of time, you would realise that life is happier after divorce. If you happen to regret the wasted period, remember that no relationship is entirely bad. It is marked with phases of good times and bad. Solicit the help of friends or people who are close to you. After the trouble-filled period is over, you would realise that divorce has turned you stronger and happier.

About the Author

James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you want to find out more about a solicitor managed divorce see http://www.managed-divorce.co.uk

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