Lessons Children Learn from Parental Infidelity

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by: jameswalsh
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Word Count: 719

Adults are emotionally mature and stable and they can still manage the fallback of this episode on their own lives. However, children are devastated by observing parental infidelity and divorce. The extra-marital affair of a parent teaches some nasty lessons to them about life. They internalise these messages and, consciously or otherwise, allow their behaviour in later years to be governed by them.

How to Lie and Hide the Truth

When a partner has an affair out of marriage, he or she has to be very careful lest the secret is exposed. It is essential in such a situation to lie to the other partner and to children about one’s activities and whereabouts. Sometimes, the partner may also force the children to lie on his or her behalf to the other spouse.

Children may be silent spectators in all this, but they are observing and learning a very important lesson, that it is ok to lie and hide the truth if it helps keeping things normal, saves oneself from getting into nasty situations and prevents inflicting hurt on the other person. They come to understand that lying is an art one has to learn for living a normal life.

This habit of lying and twisting the truth comes back to haunt the kids when they grow up. They gradually lose integrity of character and begun to be seen by their partners and office colleagues as untrustworthy and unreliable.

How to Deny Problems

When the children get to know that one of their parents is having an affair and there is tension in the house due to infidelity, their life turns topsy-turvy. Parental affair and the subsequent quarrels or divorce that may follow inflict massive emotional damage on them.

Kids are vulnerable and insecure by nature because their personalities are not yet fully formed and they know that they won’t be able to survive without their parents. Their minds are unable to come to terms with emotional pain of parental affair or divorce, and they turn to escapism.

They start denying a problem exists so as to avoid dealing with its consequences. This is how kids learn to come to grips with a situation over which they have no control. Denying problems and the refusal to acknowledge them often become a life-long habit that affects their future growth, both professionally and personally.

How to be Selfish

Extra-marital affair of a parent has serious consequences for the entire family. Things remain fine as long as the other spouse does not get to know about it. However, all hell breaks loose once the affair becomes known. There is hardly any marriage that is able to survive infidelity.

Most extra-marital affairs are just a one-way ticket to divorce and disintegration of the family. It is therefore very irresponsible of the guilty parent to indulge in amorous activities outside the family knowing fully well what will happen to the marriage and family.

When a family splits due to parental infidelity, children learn a lesson that selfish behaviour is fine even if it leads to much pain for other people who are trusting you and depending on you for support. Later on in life, they learn to take advantage of their trusting friends, office colleagues and relatives. They develop a selfish way of looking at every opportunity because one of their parents taught them through his or her behaviour that it is just fine and alright. Such kids tend to give more importance to self-gratification than anything else.

How to Never Trust

Any marriage, indeed any human relationship, is based on trust. Once this trust is broken, the relationship gets shattered and is rarely, if ever, restored. When two individuals get married, they take a vow to be faithful and loyal to each other and share all their secrets. An extra-marital affair is the worst form of betrayal that a partner can inflict on his or her spouse.

When children see one of their parents cheat on the other, they learn never to trust anyone, regardless of how close that person is to them. They get the feeling that if their parent could cheat on the other, then there is no relationship in the world that can be trusted. Deep down, kids develop a feeling of emotional insecurity and worry that they may be similarly fooled by their partner. They learn never to trust another individual.

About the Author

James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see http://www.quickie-divorce.com

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